Wednesday, July 24, 2019

Update on life

This summer has been one crazy summer! Mitch and I went on a 7 day cruise with his family to the Bahamas! Theodore stayed behind with my family and now we are going to Yellowstone with my family!

This summer has been the first of many new adventures for mitch and I. It's been a blasting doing them.

Tonight as I look over on this blog and the years I have missed on posting it's crazy how busy life can get. We never just slow down anymore its go go, social media, xbox, or Netflix/hulu. When was the last time anyone had a good family sit down meal? Or played board games? It's so easy to plug in something and stare at it for hours or plop the kid in front of the tv because it's a good babysitter. We need to stop watching other vlog about their life and focus on what's more important in our own lifes. Is family our kids. Life is so short and one day our loved ones will be gone and our memories of them will slowly fade away. I too need to follow these rules and hope others who find this post will too.

Tuesday, December 22, 2015

The Hustle and Bustle!


Today my son turned 3 months old! I can't believe how fast he is growing, alsoThree days till christmas! It'll be his first christmas too, which makes it that much more exciting!

With all the wrapping, christmas shopping, decorations and christmas bliss all around; also comes with house cleaning, baby crying, and plain exhaustion. Today I hardly played with my little man, I fed him when he needed to be fed I changed him when he needed changing but my day was mostly on laundry, dishes, and laundry. Than shopping when the hubby got home from work.

Today I wanted to give up I still have more cleaning to do and yes it all can wait but the more it stays the more piles I get.

Tonight after my husband put our son to bed he started to put me to bed since I broke down and couldn't get ready for bed my self. It's been a long time since I cried my self to sleep. Can I just give up!? Call a maid!? And just be done!?...oh how sometimes I wish I could, but I have a family  who I love and need me.

During all of the hustle and the bustle, the trimmings and the wrapping. At the end of the day I have so much that I am blessed with I have a beautiful baby boy, a wonderful husband whom is finishing my cleaning, two amazing cats, and one beautiful home. So no I can't give up just yet. I need to remember what is the most  important during this time of year and that is my family.

Wednesday, November 25, 2015

PPD and Seperation Anxiety

What is PPD?

"Paranoid personality disorder (PPD) is one of a group of conditions called eccentric personality disorders. People with these disorders often appear odd or peculiar. People with PPD also suffer from paranoia, an unrelenting mistrust and suspicion of others, even when there is no reason to be suspicious."

With holidays coming up and a concert my ppd and seperation anxiety is becoming to much to handle. I can hide it very well around family and my husband, but i think im done hoding it in...

Tonight my husband and I are going to a concert (11/26/2015), I know that Theodore will be in good hands but I don't think I can be away from him for that long just not tonight...

I've been preparing my self for the holidays to keep calm but now that the holidays are here I don't want to go anywhere. All I want is to just cuddle with my son. It's tough not being able to go on dates or enjoy my family. Anxiety and depression comes and goes when it wants but once it's here I feel like it ruins everything that I have planned.

I am on the right track to getting better I do see a counselor, I don't want meds because I hear so much negative from people about the pills. My horrible thoughts that I would get are slowly fading. Now it's just me being sad all the time and my seperation anxiety. Ugh I just want to skip the holidays and just have it be my tiny little family everyday.

I hope that next month he will finally fit in his carrier so that way my son and I will be attached at the hip, so when my anxiety does hit we aren't seperated....

Tuesday, November 17, 2015

Our Five Year Anniversary!

I can't believe it's been five years since I started dating Mitch. Time goes by so quick!

We have been through so many ups and downs. From huge fights to no fights. Trying to get pregnant to yay! We have a beautiful son! who is a big gift from God and I can't believe that our gift is here! Some days I am still shocked that he is ours, and we get to keep him! I can't believe our Christmas wish from last year and years before that has finally come true and this Christmas we get to enjoy it with him!

Mitchell you are my biggest blessing and Theodores biggest blessing too. I couldn't ask for a better husband and father to our son and future children.  You work so hard to keep a roof over our heads, heat for the winter, and food on the table. All of it so I can be a stay at home mom and take care of things here.

I love you so much! I can't wait to enjoy more years with you!

Monday, November 9, 2015

Am I Enough!?

Taking a few minutes to write while my little one is a sleep on my chest...

The past weeks have been so exhausting, my house is a complete disaster, I finally got to shower but who knows how long it's been. (yes my little man cried in his crib until I was done). I've been wanting to give up and say screw it, throw the towel down, and be done! But I can't! Whose going to take my place in mothering my child, be a wife to my husband, and cleaning my house?  Noone can replace me. I am a mother to my son, a wife to my husband, and a maid in my own home.

I have felt like I am the only tired exhausted mom out there who's infant clings to because he won't take a binky and just wants me. Some days are better than others yes, but most days I feel like I'm in the bottom pit and I'm not doing enough that I could and should be doing.

I have to supplement because I'm not making enough. But everyone sits here and says breast is best. Yet I sit here and think will am I not a good enough mother because I'm not making enough? I pump to stalk up for the holidays and I count how much I have in the freezer, and I think wow if only, I can make that in one setting! Oh wait I have...

When my milk first came in I was so proud of my self for what I have accomplished because I did 8 oz in each pump. But now I can barley feed my child in one feeding. I feel such a failure to my son because I can't give him enough for one feeding.

To top it off I failed my husband. I failed at being the good wife I should be, I guilt trip him in not being here for us more. But he is, he's working hard to provide for us. To put food on the table, a roof over our heads, and heat for the winter. And I don't say thank you enough or I love you enough. 

Than last but not least I suck at being a maid I am a stay at home mom who is to exhausted and tired to clean after a long day of taking care of a newborn. So I let dishes pile up and laundry left in the wash for who knows how long. Than I feel even worse every time I walk through my house.

How in the world do my two sisters do it how does anyone do it? Work school everything!?

Today I had a chance to stop and think how grateful and blessed I am to be a mother, wife, and maid. I may not make enough milk to feed my child, or never tell my husband how much I appreciate him. I know deep down he knows that I do, or leave my house a mess because one day I will get to it.

Finding joy wrote in her blog that gave me some hope and light...

"You will get through."

"You will continue to move forward like I do in this motherhood race and mile after mile after milestone will be completed. In fact, I believe, that motherhood is about giving. And those who give so often give even when they don’t seem to have much left to give."  

"A good mom is probably an exhausted mom. A good mom has moments where she worries. She has times where she cries in the car. She has times where she is scared and feels alone. She also has moments where the love she has for her kids overwhelms her and she is simply deeply crazily grateful to be a mom."

                                     .....

Findingjoy has taught me that I am enough and I do enough even if it looks like it dont.

I shared her blog on facebook so mothers out there can read it.

A few last things that I have learned from being a new mom are...

1) ignore everyone's advice you will go crazy . Unless you ask for it, other than that ignore it.

2) Remember you are your child's mother and Noone can replace you even if some family members or other people may make you feel that way.

3) When your child's crying and you want to give up on the world. Look into their eyes when you are feeding them. The world and stress just disappear and everything will be okay.

4) Last but not least it's okay to cry. Sometimes it's good to cry when your holding your newborn while rocking him/her in the chair. I'll never forget the time that I did, my baby was asleep it was around two am and I just held him, cried and said a prayer to my heaven above. After that I had a good night's rest and next day I took on the day.
                                    ....
Remember depression is real, tough, and sometimes you want to roll up in a ball and wish it'll all go away. Same with anxiety. Just also remember help is out there other moms are for you. It took me days to find hope and today I did. No I didn't wake up today and say hey I'm going to have a good day today. It just doesn't work that way. But it did when I looked into my son's eyes and saw no care in the world. Than read finding joy blog.

Today Life was good! Who knows what tomorrow might bring. Until than I am enough and I do enough!

Monday, September 28, 2015

What they don't tell after birth...

This maybe a little TMI but this needed to be said...

It's been a week since I had my angel  and and 6 days since we left the hospital. Oh how I wish I could go back, it seemed easier in the hospital. I don't know why? Mitch and I really never had the nurses take him to the nursery and we were all on our own. So what is the difference from home than the hospital? 

I will tell you...

You don't have nurses to come in and wake you up to take your meds. At home you have to remember your self which is hard because at home you have a baby to take care of. Than you get visitors, you also have to pump as well so he has a meal for night time. At the hospital our baby used the formula the nurses gave us and the formula we had at home made him sick.

We tried latching at the hospital but right when I had him family came in right away so we really didn't have time to latch. Let's just say it was one crazy day. But now I know what to do differently next time. Which is don't tell family after two hours or more of having the baby. :/

Anyways healing process sucks your in the tub 24/7 your also so swollen you can't go to the bathroom so you have to take laxatives which sucks because even then it doesn't work. You can't get up your stairs, clean your house, or even remember to eat. Why? Because your so focused on taking care of your little one which is how it should be but no one tells you how exhausting it is. But they do tell you how sweet it is to be a mom.

But no matter how frustrating and difficult the healing process is when you look into your newborns eyes it makes your heart melt and it's all rewarding and worth every pain! : )

I also want to say how lucky I am to have one amazing husband yes I left him out the first time. So I just wanted to take a moment and brag how amazing my husband is. He has been my nurse, a dad, mom and maid while I'm trying to take care of my self and get my self better. He has so much patience for me and Theo and the love mitch has for us is so priceless. I am so grateful for his help and grateful that he was able to help me out for a week and a half.

People also don't tell you how much you need your partner or how much you need help when you feel like a hot mess. Again I am one lucky lady to have the help of family and to have my husband here to help take care of us.

Tuesday, August 4, 2015

Strict Mom!

You may be rolling your eyes or say im crazy when i ask you to get your vaccines before my little man comes home. But let me ask you this one question?....Have you ever witnessed a baby gasping for air? Seeing their sweet baby face turn so blue and purple that you can't do anything about it? I have and not on videos. I was holding her when she had an episode. The only thing I could do was tell her to breath and rub her sweet chest. Baby Lawson was hospitalized after two months of being born up until she was 6 or 7 months old. When I saw her she was almost home free.

So yes I am that strict Mom the one that is forcing you to get the vaccine or you can't hold our baby boy. If you know you have a cold please don't go near him. I know he isn't born yet but I rather be safe than have him hospitalized like Lawson.

Heres  pieces of an article that i have read on the whooping cough....

Whooping cough (pertussis) is an infection of the respiratory system caused by the bacterium Bordetella pertussis (or B. pertussis). It mainly affects babies younger than 6 months old who aren't yet protected by immunizations, and kids 11 to 18 years old whose immunity has started to fade.

Whooping cough causes severe coughing spells, which can sometimes end in a "whooping" sound when the child breathes in.

Before a vaccine was available, pertussis killed about 9,000 people in the United States each year. Now, the pertussis vaccine has reduced the annual number of deaths to less than 30. But in recent years, the number of cases has started to rise. In 2004, the number of whooping cough cases spiked past 25,000, the highest level since the 1950s.

Signs & Symptoms
The first symptoms of whooping cough are similar to those of a common cold:

runny nose
sneezing
mild cough
low-grade fever
After about 1 to 2 weeks, the dry, irritating cough evolves into coughing spells. During a coughing spell, which can last for more than a minute, a child may turn red or purple. At the end of a spell, the child may make the characteristic whooping sound when breathing in or may vomit. Between spells, the child usually feels well.

While many infants and younger kids with whooping cough develop the coughing fits and accompanying whoop, not all do. And sometimes babies don't cough or whoop as older kids do. Infants may look as if they're gasping for air with a reddened face and may actually stop breathing (this is called apnea) for a few seconds during very bad spells.

Adults and teens may have milder or different symptoms, such as a prolonged cough (rather than coughing spells) or coughing without the whoop.

Winter is just around the corner as well and he will be here just a few months before the cold/flu season hits so please get your shots if you haven't already.

     Love,
       The Strict Mom